One of the things I'll tell my younger self
Published Friday, January 06, 2012 by Kenn3th Kh@w | E-mail this post

I was doing my usual daily catch up with news, random stuff on the internet, etc when I came across this interesting comment. It's basically a guy giving some advice to a current MIT student. It reads:-
Alright, sorry about the delay. I was too busy celebrating the New Year. ;) I hope you're still checking in on this account.
Anyway, I think I have a bit of a unique perspective. I've seen MIT
admissions from the perspective of the applicant, a student, a teacher,
and now as an alumnus conducting interviews of prospective students. The
fact that you mentioned MIT specifically really made me feel like I
should take the time to produce a good response!
I wanted to start by writing out standard admissions advice (e.g. no
one thing like SAT scores will keep you from being admitted, etc.).
While all that is true, the problem you're dealing with is so much
bigger than that. The problem you're coming up against is one I've seen
so many of my fellow students encounter. If I could set up a wavy-fade
flashback, I'd show you my freshman year.
I moved into one of the dorms at MIT thinking I was hot shit. I had,
after all, just gotten into MIT. And beyond that, I had tested out of
the freshman calculus and physics classes, meaning that I was able to
start math "a year" ahead in differential equations and start with the
advanced version of the physics 2 class we have. Registration went by
easy enough and I was pleased with my decisions.
Term rolled in and I was getting crushed. I wasn't the greatest
student in high school, and whenever I got poor grades I would explain
them away by saying I just didn't care or I was too busy or too
unmotivated or (more often than not) just cared about something else. It
didn't help that I had good test performance which fed my ego and let
me think I was smarter than everyone else, just relatively unmotivated. I
had grossly underestimated MIT, and was left feeling so dumb.
I had the fortune of living next to a bright guy, R. R. was an
advanced student, to say the least. He was a sophomore, but was already
taking the most advanced graduate math classes. He came into MIT and
tested out of calculus, multivariable calculus, differential equations,
linear algebra, real analysis (notoriously the most difficult math class
at MIT), and a slew of other math courses. And to top it all off, he
was attractive, engaging, sociable, and generally had no faults that
would make him mortal.
I suffered through half a semester of differential equations before
my pride let me go to R. for help. And sure enough, he took my textbook
for a night to review the material (he couldn't remember it all from
third grade), and then he walked me through my difficulties and coached
me. I ended up pulling a B+ at the end of a semester and avoiding that
train wreck. The thing is, nothing he taught me involved raw brainpower.
The more I learned the more I realized that the bulk of his
intelligence and his performance just came from study and practice, and
that the had amassed a large artillery of intellectual and mathematical
tools that he had learned and trained to call upon. He showed me some of
those tools, but what I really ended up learning was how to go about
finding, building, and refining my own set of cognitive tools. I admired
R., and I looked up to him, and while I doubt I will ever compete with
his genius, I recognize that it's because of a relative lack of my
conviction and an excess of his, not some accident of genetics.
It's easy to trick ourselves into thinking that "being smart" is what
determines our performance. In so many ways, it's the easiest possible
explanation because it demands so little of us and immediately explains
away our failings. You are facing this tension without recognizing it.
You are blaming your intelligence in the first two paragraphs but you
undermine yourself by saying you received good grades you didn't
deserve. You recognize your lack of motivation as a factor in your lack
of extracurricular activities but not in your SAT scores (fun fact: the
variable that correlates most strongly to SAT performance is hours of
studying for the SATs). Your very last statement could just as well
apply to your entire post:
But none of this has to do with my intelligence; I'm just rambling.
You got A's because you studied or because the classes were easy. You
got a B probably because you were so used to understanding things that
you didn't know how to deal with something that didn't come so easily.
I'm guessing that early on you built the cognitive and intellectual
tools to rapidly acquire and process new information, but that you've
relied on those tools so much you never really developed a good set of
tools for what to do when those failed. This is what happened to me, but
I didn't figure it out until after I got crushed by my first semester
of college. I need to ask you, has anyone ever taken the time to teach
you how to study? And separately, have you learned how to study on your
own in the absence of a teacher or curriculum? These are the most
valuable tools you can acquire because they are the tools you will use
to develop more powerful and more insightful tools. It only snowballs
from there until you become like R.
MIT has an almost 97% graduation rate. That means that most of the
people who get in, get through. Do you know what separates the 3% that
didn't from the rest that do? I do. I've seen it so many times, and it
almost happened to me. Very few people get through four years of MIT
with such piss-poor performance that they don't graduate. In fact, I
can't think of a single one off the top of my head. People fail to
graduate from MIT because they come in, encounter problems that are
harder than anything they've had to do before, and not knowing how to
look for help or how to go about wrestling those problems, burn out. The
students that are successful look at that challenge, wrestle with
feelings of inadequacy and stupidity, and begin to take steps hiking
that mountain, knowing that bruised pride is a small price to pay for
getting to see the view from the top. They ask for help, they
acknowledge their inadequacies. They don't blame their lack of
intelligence, they blame their lack of motivation. I was lucky that I
had someone to show me how to look for that motivation, and I'm hoping
that I can be that person for you in some small capacity over the
Internet. I was able to recover from my freshman year and go on to be
very successful in my studies, even serving as a TA for my fellow
students. When I was a senior, I would sit down with the freshmen in my
dorm and show them the same things that had been shown to me, and I
would watch them struggle with the same feelings, and overcome them. By
the time I graduated MIT, I had become the person I looked up to when I
first got in.
You're so young, way too young to be worried about not being smart
enough. Until you're so old you start going senile, you have the
opportunity to make yourself "smarter." And I put that in quotes because
"smart" is really just a way of saying "has invested so much time and
sweat that you make it look effortless." You feel like you are burnt out
or that you are on the verge of burning out, but in reality you are on
the verge of deciding whether or not you will burn out. It's
scary to acknowledge that it's a decision because it puts the onus on
you to to do something about it, but it's empowering because it means there is something you can do about it.
So do it.
Very very true.
I'm currently in a fortunate position in my life/career and people always ask me how I do it. There are many factors (luck also being part of it) but one of the main things I harp on is the amount of sacrifices I had to do when I was in university. There were numerous points of time in my university days where I honestly thought I should be dropping out but thanks to my tremendous closeted ego, I always persevered to find a solution to my problems and in that course of perseverance, I also found out a lot about myself, my emotions, my abilities, etc. When I finally completed my course, it dawned on me that university is not about the degree or knowledge itself but about learning to learn, adapt, solve problems and work with people.
I'll be forwarding this post in the future to anyone who asks me about university life. :)
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